Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
