I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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