The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
