Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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