If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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