i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
