You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
