You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
