You're so nebulous sometimes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize