I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
third nipple confirmed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
