Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I supernannyed him into submission
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
