Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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