I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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