This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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