smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
