my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
