If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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