when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
