I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
