dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
