I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
