I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
