What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
