Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
