tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
