just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
