i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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