Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
