True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think i have two assholes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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