I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
