I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
