there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
third nipple confirmed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
