dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
