It's Friday. Sex?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
