I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
