The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
