My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
