Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
