watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
