never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
