I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
