I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
