Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
