Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
