I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
