I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
