I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
