I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
