new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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