I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize