Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish i was in the wii world.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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