well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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