I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
