Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
