If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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