Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
