did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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