He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
