hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
