ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
