He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
