I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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