did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
