your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
