PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
