you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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