Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize