Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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