I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
