So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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