You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
