is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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