It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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