Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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