If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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