we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
