i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
false alarm, still single
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
