Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
