I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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