After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Quick, to the slutcave!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
