wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
