Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So. Much. Porn.
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