He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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