My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
