I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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